Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
