Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
