This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
