im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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