dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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