I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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