I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize