My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
