if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
