I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
