I wanna bring you to show and tell
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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