Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Randomize
