he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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