i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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