Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
