i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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