Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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