woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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