She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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