so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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