After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
