He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
