You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
