She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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