I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
