By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
