she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need to stop coming to work sober
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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