I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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