giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
