Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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