You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize