Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't deserve a penis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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