Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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