It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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