I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize