Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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