apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
