My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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