apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
