I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
