check it out our google latitudes are spooning
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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