I wannas sexs uuuuu
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
even my farts smell like vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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