I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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