I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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