He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
