Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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