i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
