she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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