Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
