She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
