So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
