They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
