Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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