gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize