It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
