Who did Billy Mays play for?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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