also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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