if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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