So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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