Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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