dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
