I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
