Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
