WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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