doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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