So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
